CITY OF ANGELS

temporary insanity. gonna chop them off soon. ((: it's starting to grow in me ((: thanks.

life is beautiful with you;
1:18 AM

yesterday was super fun though i wish maine and weihao could make it. was freaking hot and super congested with mads, nehs and ang mohs. people making out and ER HUMPH! right behind us. cat fights on the dance floor. but lucky we got a place for ourselves. it's a good things about going in a big group. toes was bleeding. but i got my mr first aid with me. thanks ((: HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERMAINE. ha. girly. had a great night with everyone. hope you too and thanks alot ((: my treat the next time. soon soon. see ya ard. love you. give me a big hug when i see you again MIN YEEE. loves.

life is beautiful with you;
9:52 PM

life is good so far. friends and family. not really in the holiday mood. ha. prolly had long enough of it. LCCI will start this coming monday. ((: back to studying again. and that will probably be what i will be busy with. hope i can cope so at least i have spare time to do something else. shouldn't waste anymore of my time and nothing can be more important than my future. when now i have set those not so important things aside. can't be leading that kind of life i used to have in my secondary school days. though i felt it's a lil too late to realise it. but at least better than not realising it ain't it. -smirk- life isn't living for someone else and my biggest mistake was living it for someone else for years. which i can spend them doing more sensible things like study and now feeling sorry for myself doesn't really help anymore. i should live life it for myself. ALL for myself. contented to things and people i have here with me, indeed, they are very nice people. ((: anything out of that boundary will prolly be after or when i feel i'm capable to handle and when my faith regains. -winks- maine and i were making plans for our holiday together with others definately ann have to be with us. will ask a few more along. ((: aint' rich kids. so taiwan will be our destination. yes! haha. but not gonna go when my bank only have $61. -laughs- sometimes, somethings is more of the thoughts for each other that counts. the thought is there i believe the hearts can feel it. right ((: was too bored so started reading my past entries. and WOH. suddenly i felt many things change. very much. -smirk- and for the good of course i'm happy for them. and if it's bad. it's already the past so just shove them in some corner of our minds.right? ((: yea. let's just wish tt life gets better each day.

life is beautiful with you;
11:34 PM

back to sg soil. ha. homeless. got locked out cause no one was at home and i forgot my keys before i left. when to maine's house to take a shower and met up with ann and lene. had some coffee at starbucks while waiting for someone to get home. surprisingly i suggested long john for dinner. something that i never like eating. ha. it's just weird . recently there's many changes in life things that i nv did or try or always wanted to do but still left them undone. it's like i left some part of me behind the closed doors and a better and something new about myself that i discovered about myself in another new opened door. and when it shuts again. you learnt something new about things. things that happen around you, people around you hmmm i don't know . it's somehow like a cycle or something. now that exam is over. i have more time to daydream. lol. and yah. plans. found that i really miss school when ppl hated it most and grumbling about everyday , i miss going everyday. anyways, having this struggle inside about should i follow what i wish though i'm not really prepared for it , or maybe i should say to face failure again really if i carry too much hopes. when i see the confidence everyone have in me, my dad, sis, bro, ann, maine, lene, changda, jialiang, francis the person i really should thank, selina and others. i felt i shouldn't disappoint them most importantly my parents twice. nv meet failure till yah you know and it somehow left this thorn in me which i know it's not something you can fight it away so easily and i'm left to live for 3 more months in the failure i have made and it's nothing but RESULTS that will take all this shit that this one whole year had happen away. play the hell out does help sometimes for not reminding myself for what i have did myself so wrong and sorry. but at times the disapointment still hurts. know i can't be sorry to anyone but myself. it's the worst part. but hope that after this 3 damn months of worry everything will be OVER. enjoying the holidays is neither something new nor does excites me like those that going to finish their o levels. haha. shame on me. right. mr wan has fallen asleep over the phone while i'm typing this out. can really see a LIL change in him and he's more of a friend now and really gonna thank him for his presence recently when i'm going through all the shit this few weeks but it's finally over and of course to people that truly care. much appreciated. annie tan i've completed my work, your order, folding those dumb hearts that i nv did in my whole life for anyone but for that stupid jerk of yours it's because i don't want you to stay up late and have cross eyes the next day cause you already have elmo eyes. off to bed. night peeps. loves.

life is beautiful with you;
2:31 AM

woooo. exam is over... -claps. haha. alright dumb. went out with ann and "bf" - our gay boy weihao. maine and renhan and jialiang. caught the movie exorism. it's really disturbing and obnoxious. it makes my goose bumps rise for quite sometime that after the movie i shared the same cubicle with maine. haha. from cineleisure to indochine we took very long. cause they were walking and stopping walking and stopping then suddenly running. mad. but at that time the street wasn't that crowded so it was better. lol. met ann's friends claire, esther and audrey at indochine. they were kinda quiet so didn't really talk much. the music there was very nice so much better than those we used to go. can see that renhan was kind of uncomfortable with the group. but hope tt our bunch didn't freak you out with our lunatic nonsense tt always happen when all of us get together or made you felt out of place. haha. but the game was fun though i was a lil slow but it wasn't tt bad for a first timer that had prob understanding this game back then. when everyone is playing but was just staring like a block but still can't read the game. anyways anyways, i hope that my babies enjoyed themselves just like i did. lol. especially maine. and hope you like the bag lene and i bought for you. sweet seventeen my beauty queen. ((: after maine left ruiqing and a few other friends came. like before his friends always make me feel out of place. not long after we decided to go home. cause mr wan's bout to fall. got police blocked. nice. check this and that. but nothing much. and heard that on the way back to yishun same thing happen again. ha. really nothing better else to do. after a quick shower. BOM.! K.O. lol. right. guess i'm gonna stay home for this 2 days. cause i have zero dollars with me now. lunch time. wooo. anyways. thanks babies. yesterday was like WOOO. ha i don' tknow y but i kept saying wooooo . lol.

life is beautiful with you;
2:19 PM

finally i'm done with most of my papers and only left with one more to go. maths paper 2 on friday. suppose to attend tution today at five but didn't have a good rest yesterday prolly too nervous over english paper. but it was really fucked when i came to know that the previous syllabus is soooo much more easier than the new revised syllabus that i was taking. section one have options like " write the happiest occasion during your childhood" wtf. and section two is INFORMAL LETTER. when we have Qs like shopping brings visitors to Singapore name a few other factors that bring in visitors or something like that. and was suppose to write a speech. how great. wasn't even prepared that speech will pop out from the god damn paper. but lucky didn't have much difficulties writing it. oh. and it's so embarrassing to see my primary school friend during break time. they just gave me a astonished face like why the hell is she here or i freaking look like some creature from mars. but anyways to be polite i just waved back but couldn't run away from the Q that is always asked by my primary school mates. HEY YOU AND RQ TOGETHER!?!?!. didn't bother to explain much just smiled reluctantly and walked away. felt really sleepy. took a short nap not very short though. from 2 to 6. mr wan is back from his days of misery in the oh so big "jungle" in amk. LOL. i can never wear my clothes more than a day when he wore them for 3. tsk tsk. can't wait to finish my last paper then meet the "gang" and catch the exorcism show that i have been long waiting for. spend a lil more time with them this week end and might be spending my next week with mum. i hope i can despite all those boredom i will be suffering there. but i will definately eat alot. k. gotta go. and yes i have fallen in love this time. really in love . with "my" 2006 Lexus SC 430. hahaha. ((: it's the beaut i saw so far compare to other cars. no subarus, i loathe subaru really. and i hate driving tests. be mine be mine... -luffs-

life is beautiful with you;
1:23 AM

yesterday i was super tired. it's the first time after so long i felt so tired. straight doze off after few seconds. suppose to study in the afternoon. but my GREAT friends psycho me to kbox since they are in amk. yea. super crazy. left at 7, sent maine to meet renhan. then went for dinner with ann though we were quite full. tsk tsk. with such rate of eating everyday. i think i really need to go to the gym and burn my butterflies away. -luffs- after dinner he zhen picked us up with haowen and went to sun plaza mac to study cause it's the nearest place from haowen's house. from 11 to 1 yes we were really studying. but haha. after that we were gossiping and digging all the fun we had back in secondary school days. from sec one to sec 4. netball to everyday's achievers' prog. the older batch of wearing school u. to our earlier batch to now. oh and i didn't know that our kuppo went to cut two slits on his school pants to make it into bell bottom and went aunty gwen came into the class to check he STAPLE them back. LOL.... and all those things when we were only sec one and the guys were still in school. it's really quite amazing that we actually still spend time like how we used to recently after so long. when some are studying , woking and in NS. truely appreciate each and every one's presence all these years may it be good or bad sometimes. but still a very nice bunch of ppl. ppl that grabs you whenever you fall all the time even they are not always around us though in a way that they doesn't seems like they care much about what is going on with our lives and ppl that always have the thought for each other no matter how busy they will be. and same goes to us. recently was in deep thoughts of differentiating the my value that i hold for friends and relationship and also the sentence that girls are always been saying " a man and a woman can never be bestfriends". tt always tell myself to keep a distance not to cause any unnesscessary heartbreaks or future embarassment even to ppl that i always really wanted to take them as bestfriends. and if anyone claims that one doesn't have an thoughts in another then they aren't really that close aren't they. so to my conclusion. guys don't do "fruitless" investment. ((:haha. so now i'm in a dilemma between us. and about the value that i hold for friendship and relationship. friends always come first other than fmily of course and yes ,of course. i mean friends that always pick me up again and again everytime i fall and always turn up trumps for me. and lets hope that now we ain't having ppl that treat us in such a way of " disposable and reusable when in need" . love is define as trouble .ok at least to me. quarrels more than compromising. giving cold shoulders more than cuddling and coaxing. complains more appreciation. throw a fit over the slightest thing. and when problem occurs their head turns into coconut husk. and all you do will be saying sick things or things that doesn't make any sense to others and cry like an idiot. worry about this worry about that. worry bout what you say, what you do and who you are with, will or will not anger him. cranky and jealousy. having weird and great imginary pictures in your head that he's seeing someone else. like those you see on tv? -CLAPS-. and if you haven't come to realise . it's making you losing your identity over the great works of love. prolly age earlier. if only. anyone that can give me peace and equal respect than maybe i would consider striking some points away. and maybe have a brand new point of view of such trouble.. but the right one will nv knock on my door. really. exam will be over on friday. will spend sometime with mum. i dont know what i'm looking forward. but there's thoughts of looking forward to something and anxiety and apprehension seems like holding back the clock. i'm living each day like dying slowly. yah but everyone is living everyday while dying in a slow way. :P right gotta go. too much of ranting and i bet no one have the patience to finish my asinine shit. ciao.

life is beautiful with you;
4:31 PM

saturday was maine's birthday celebration. sorry that i didn't help wrapping those popiah and sweet potato or something i forgot. but anyways, her mum prepared whole lots of things. but there were quite a number of ppl. the place was so cramp..so can imagine la. rq was there too. it was quite long since i last saw him. stayed till 6 in the morning after midnight charge. ha. can't afford anymore midnight cab fare. took cab for almost a week . to tuition, back after tuition. now my wallet is empty. and taxi uncles are really irritating.. by the time i reached home it was already 630. bathe and everything 7. finally could sleep at 830 mr maurice chai called. ((: haha. went for tuition at 1230. mind suddenly blank. every Q looks like 1 year ago to me. which means. they know me i don't know them. -chuckles- then dug maine up from her 12 hours of sleep and meet up with others to have dinner at 747. started panick after reaching home. dad kept asking me to sleep at 10. came in thrice chasing me to bed. but still slept at 130. i was fucking late for exam. can you believe it. god. 10 mins after they started doing the paper. i forgot my wallet. my rubber band and yeah. improper attire. and the worse thing was i forgot my freaking keys. but lucky grandma was on her way to my house and i was just at my void deck. it was 730 when i left my house again. weiling and i got something to eat at mac and we missed the bus. -claps. too nervous. 140% i wrote 40%. great. 2.4x 10`1. i wrote 2. last Q of locus and construction couldn't finish on time. and i definately lost min. 30 marks. had freaking stomachache half way through the paper. and the hall's clock wasn't working. so i thought it was still early. till they told us we left with 30 mins. when the god damn clock shows 845. everyting screwed up at 11th hour. was quite touched the night before everyone rushing me to bed. call to check on me if i'm asleep or did i study, was i nervous and if everything is fine. then early in the morning i have ppl like maine and ann telling me words of encouragement AGAIN. -luffs- but they were good. chang da's LATE morning call yes i still appreciate it alot ((: jialiang, my tranquillizer. asking me to breathe in and out for the whole morning. hahahaha. though it didn't really work. once after exam. inbox was flooded with msgs.. but the one from dad really made me kinda teared a LIL. haha. let me tell you.. -laughs- d: how was it? e: it was ok. a lil nervous couldn't finish the last Q. d: can score? e: at least a b+ ( arh.... i want an A) d: keep in up for rest of your paper . d:i know you won't disappoint me twice. e: yes dad. -cries- hahahaha. eng on weds. math paper 2 one fri. it's a touch and go week really. then all this stress will be over. feb then worry about it. i probably get someone to check my result for me. going to meet the girls for lunch but lene couldn't join. but i'm meeting her tomorrow. finally maid's back to work. tell me you miss the training days. yes. tomorrow. see you girl. ((:

life is beautiful with you;
12:18 PM

guys... not lighted ok. -grins- pac man wannabe. spend my whole glorious afternoon doing nothing but lying on my bed and listening to radio. only till when it was close to late evening met up with my girls and the boys. and headed down to gallery hotel everything was so fucked up . thanks to mr kim. the management is fucked just like you. understandable. anyways. we headed to another pub. FORTUNATELY. cause i heard it was rather bored over there. right choice. anyways, it didn't interest me when i first arrived till we starts playing games,drinking and everything. all of us went crazy. laughing over stupid things but it was really fun. i swear i will nv get so drunk anymore. there isn't any place for me to vomit so i throw them all back in the cup. lol. embarrassing. but lucky i have maine and everyone. hoho. reached home 430 and vomitted again. only slept for 2 hours and i dug everyone up for breakfast. but all slept till afternoon. weather was so hot everyone was in a bad mood. eating chicken rice under the hot blazing sun. thought will have a big feast at home. not deepavali but family gathering but when i reached home. there wasn't enough food for the 3 of us. so i skip it. meeting my darlings to study tomorrow. right i'm going to bed. good night. and yes. thank you guys. all of you. love ya all.

life is beautiful with you;
9:29 PM