CITY OF ANGELS

hmmm. todae was a long long long day. i got up at 10 . by this dream . when i was crying in it n i woke up realising at the corner of my eyes were a lil wet. A lil. was bout my mum. k this conflict we had isn't over yet. so. ya. -sigh. when to meet lene n studied for the whole afternoon. in the afternoon i was feeling hmmm. ok. telling myself i should take things easy. if it meant to be like this. then let it be. i still have to continue moving on. not till i n lene n my sis were in the cinema watching the island. the story was nice. but i think i got a difficult time watching cuz we were sitting at the first row. n i think i got cross eyes after that show. it was so near i gotta stick myself n lean my head backwards to get a clearer vision. n i think my eye sight is getting worse. but hmm while watching it this thought kept running thru in my mind made my heart sank .. to my stomach. hahaha. weird. but i dunno how many times i sigh todae but it's really a bad n hard day for me . cuz there were so many things running thru my mind. but i still gotta stay focus n force myself to study. force myself not talk n think bout anything. especially infront of my sister. n it's so hard. n i'm so worn out now. but i hope it's solved. i hope.-nods.

life is beautiful with you;
1:39 AM

hmm. was thinking it's better to get it done todae. now. hmmm.todae was the day when idiots met. lol ok. ann.maine.lene.weihao. n new memb. jonathan. (ann's guy) hmmm.n myself. i was the lastest. i'm sorry i'm sorry. thanks for waiting for me to have lunch when it's near to dinner. hmmm. then we went to get a drink. yes. ann: pls. i saw the looks n the eyes of yours when i n lene were talking bout some dumb things that came out from no where. i'm here to sae. no one can ever replace you. jus like no one can take maine's n lene's place. all are equally dear to me. n i think i should really explain this. no walls pls. i know wad you meant. maine: don't feel left out ok. we let you know wad ever we can. n there's nothing interesting bout us but you . haha. cuz your rh is so so shy. pls bring him out for a walk with us the nxt time. HAHAHA. lene: sorry to bother you bout all this things these few days. n i think i'm getting tired. n i know you were trying so hard to knock some sense into me. haha. so am i. cut that running away when you see that dogg on street. dun think so much bout wad had happen last nite. gay boy: thanks for being here todae. i told you it was a straw you don't believe. haha. dumb face of yours. but i really miss having fun every morning with you. and : i dunno if this gonna be the last time we are talking bout this. but i said if i can't make you realise that. then yes we shall stop here. all i need you to do is jus talk...talk talk talk. if you ain't how the hell will i know. when you get emo i get affected. wad is there so much to worry about?. i really don't get it. is either u missed out the word faith. or mayb i'm jus too insensitive. if i was. i'm sorry.

life is beautiful with you;
3:36 AM

hmmm. sick afternoon. kept sneezing everytime i enter the room. till my nose got block. i fell alseep on the sofa n woke up at 11. maybe i shouldn't. but i thought i should. contradiction. when you think those ppl dun mean a thing to you actually. but the more they are worthless to you the more you mind bout what they say bout you. somehow u refuse to listen to those ppl tt really care n those who think u really meant something to them. first it was me that had trucks of doubts when i thought we could sit down n clear them,we did. and for a moment i tot they were all gone. till you got me when you start doubting my answers so why bother to ask if you doesn't believe em.. when i'm so sure here ,i suppose and how shaky you were on the other side when the slightest thing affected you. the start of all this it's jus the comment made by someone that you thought is worthless to you. but her cause worth serious doubts to u bout my affirmation i made. -smirk. mayb i jus too dumb to make believe n let know i'm here whatever happens. but it's still redundant. cuz i dun make a difference,anyways. be sorry to who? myself?. perharps i should.

life is beautiful with you;
1:00 AM

the sms tone in the morning. (= the phone beeps unexpectedly. (= thank you. -nods.

life is beautiful with you;
1:51 AM

went to causeway pt this afternoon with dad n sis. to upgrade our net. but this bunny tooth customer service lady said " oh i' m not very sure" (when i and my sis look at each other and gave our kinda face) you are telling me you are not sure when you are sitting inside the customer service counter n i think you really needa a enrichment course. mos burger for breakfast, we had. (dead, i am. talking like a yoda) . haha. dad took us to mac when we were young n now we are taking him to mos burger when he's old. haha. how nice. we bought quite alot of daily necessities together todae. haha. n lotsa junk food. yea n my dad tried to embarrass me when i took this baby johnson shampoo to the counter to pay. "ger you no longer a baby y are you using this?" haha. daddy. not funny at all. you always buy that for me. n you are asking this dumb Q. that aunty at the cash counter is not a lil mei2 . don't impress her with your cold joke. -shake head. we forced our dad to buy neutrogena for himself HAHA. cause we think it's good n we made him use it. evil daugthers. my piercing on my ear kept bleedy this few daes. i clean it n wear it back then it starts again. gross. then sis n i went to the gym with maine n lene. but we only worked out for 45 mins cause it closes at 8. and i don't think it do any help. =) had dinner at northpoint then we went home. ( wad a boring ending) but. to the star, thru difficulties. -smiles- got me. i hope i din say anything that was wrong.if i did i'm sorry. i saw the things you did. n they aint that bad for someone that actual isnt like this. thanks. n i'm sorry.

life is beautiful with you;
2:17 AM

watch mindhunter with lene yesterday. it was so so gross. -ewk! haha. but we were laughing.HAHA. we must be very irritating.. hmm but lucky we didn't end up watching a boring movie. hmm. n the whole night i was suffering cause someone grinds her teeth when she sleep. yawns. gym in the evening. maine! you better don't skip it.

life is beautiful with you;
1:41 PM

oh. mum left yesterdae but i din have the mood to blog. when my sis was telling me that my mum came into the room n told her how rude i was n how wild i'm getting. n asked her to give me some lectures. when she just kept quiet n nod. i'm just puzzled with wad she wans. if i work they say i'm always out. not spending enuff time at home. FINE!. when i quit my job they say i stayed at home too much. then later say that i go out with frens till very late. i was just wondering she's not home to see and i think i'm very sure i'm rotting my way at home every single day. so wad's wrong with her. i think i'm just the scape goat of my sis. or actually i was alil at fault cause i din call her up recently. n my sis din visit her since she came back from uk. but she was telling us another time that she seriously think that it's ok cause we learn from her. she's always in msia n she don't spend quality time with her mum too. so we are her kids we are like that she totally understand it. n NOW. she's getting emotional over it. and said that she wasn't with us since we were young so when we grow up we don't need her. n thinks she owe us a whole life of things.. but we nv said anything bout not being with us cause we know she loves us cause she's our mother. so i really don't know wad's the problem i don't know wad to say to her to make her feel better. or it's jus me that i'm growing up but that made her feels so insecure cause her daughters are leaving her very soon. then i rather not grow up ( i know it's dumb) how silly. my mother has this kinda thinking . -luffs. hmmm but i was kinda disappointed when she sae to my sis that i " yue lai yue bu xiang hua". since young i behaved myself . i take responsibilities for my own actions. i try to be understanding cause i know she will be much more worry for us than any other mother outside. cause she's not with us. and i did not blame her cause i know her reasons n i respect her decision for moving out. and not coming back often. n she's always back because of us. n if you are thinking because i have a bf i don't care bout this family. i think you should fucking reflect yourself n your comment. first i don't have a bf. second i take family first.n even if i have one i believe he will respect me for taking my family first. and your dumbest and ugliest daughter of yours is not leaving. crap

life is beautiful with you;
10:04 PM

hmmm todae is complete shit for me la. mum got emo for nothing. start screaming n shouting. -faint. how childish. then in the morning my voice was totally sore. sounds like a crow. when rq called wanting bck his cam. ha. tat's the worst part. yea he wanted to come up. but i said i will meet him downstairs. hmmm. when he took his cam. n i smiled so so so fakely , turn n left immediately. hmmm. i dunno but the next moment i received this msg. n he claims that he wanted to send it to someone else. but i know it's bout me. " i did not do anything and i feel like crying now" ha. i was just thinking if i stand there for another second i can't imagine wad will happen. but anyways. i juz wanna sae. if there's any chance i won't be trying so hard to run away. and i guess i made a wrong decision on meeting you personally to pass your cam back to you. cause i just dun wannabe rude. n be nice enough to say thank you. so. yes don't misunderstand. but i dun wanna be nasty to you cause we knew each other since we were like 10? i dun wanna spoil this. n i believe i'm not the only angel among gers. ha i think i suck being a gf.

life is beautiful with you;
1:13 AM

haha. finally. i finish one dance. n the whole afternoon was juz waiting n waiting. hmmm. no rehearsal. so i was pushed to feed the sharks at the eleventh hour. but lucky i did not jam there.but lene n maine missed my dance. it's ok. my dad mum n grandparents saw that. n miguel said if i do a good job he will buy mi a mp3. haha. someone was asking if i'm interested to do physical threatre. hmmm. but i don't think i'm really serious in dancing . but my dad was so happy over that offer. i dunno y.. i scratched my fone cuz i was dumb enuff to hold it when i'm in my mirror gloves. n now it's nicely decorated with lines. beautiful. hmmm. i can't believe i got drunk n knock out after tat not remembering wad i said to ppl. mayb a lil bout buayas that's all. sorry. but i really appreciate your company n hope i din distract you when you was trying study. oh yes oso the deal on my first time when i'm 18 n oso studying together. yes yes i remember. cuz i saw the msgs n sent msgs tis morning haha. but i think i din embarrass myself i hope. i saw kelvin. ewww. he came over n kiss n hug mi.(ok hes my sis ex. n they were together for 11 years so he treat mi lyk a lil sis) he's so huge lyk a gorrilla. haha. but lucky he din do anything cuz he won't dare to anyways. so he asked maine if she wans to marry him cuz he's rich. wad rubbish. my ex bro-in-law. HAHA. wad a title. n kept trying to mention bout my sis. i n my brother were exchanging funny faces. hmmm. he's really irritating. kept tryin to bring us over to the vip booth for more drinks. lucky i didn't if not i will really sleep there. hmmm we left like 2 n sit outside of the hall. it was rainning i think. so we decided to go home when my brother went to meet his fren at another club. hmmm. i only knew i woke my mum up cuz i slammed the main door too hard. n she was nagging bout something but i juz walk s8 to the bathroom. then i came online to chat. ha. it was crazy, i don't even know y am i online. then i switched off immediately when i lie on my bed. n everything went blank. surprisingly, i din dream at all. but this morning my stomach was feeling kinda weird n alil dizzy. but no drinking tonite. my mum warned mi not to drink tonite. but i don't plan to anyways. cuz she' s complaining to my dad when he came back. " your daughter ar! drunk last nite. slam the gate n door so hard talk to her nv ans.(times 2) " but i'm not drunk la. i sit can come home on my own juz abit tipsy that's all. tomorro is my grandma's 99th bdae. HAHA. i can't turn up with a hang-over face. no no. i gotta look gd. gotta go back for the last performance. but i think the crowd todae will be evenly boring. but it's better. then i can leave with my 500 pay check. yes. haha. =P some truth hit mi this morning when i'm having hang-over and it so so so hard to believe. i was telling my mum wad maine's frens were saying bout our family photo tt WE look like mix . then she suddenly " YES WE ARE!" i tot she was juz kidding, then she continued saying.. her mum is a peranakan. i: HUH!?. n her father is also a mix of chi n something ( she claims she can't remember) . i: HUH!?. so wad am i? n for 17 years i tot i was a pure chinese not lyk those ppl mix these n tt. when one fine day my mum is telling mi that actually i'm not or we are not. i gasped, stayed dumb n speechless for the rest of the conversation.. cannot adjust to tis truth la thou it's maternal side but it's still in my blood -faint.no wonder i' always mistaken as a malay. wth. n lene is calling mi a nyonya now.

life is beautiful with you;
1:11 PM

this morning i couldn't get up. not becuz i wanna laze longer in my bed but i felt so weak. maybe was becuz i only had breakfast the dae before till todae morning. argh.. then i went back to slp n dreamt i got together with @#O*#))(^%&##*@$&!!!. i hate him la. that pervertic face he got, tsk! short n ugly. aiya. lene's fault talk so much bout all this things before i go to bed. n i felt so weird if anyone start mentioning this person over n over before i go to slp i will dream of him or her. weird. i think i'm really ageing . haha. especially this few daes. start talking rubbish when i'm tired. haha . suddenly sae something outta nothing. crazy. and usually i get mood swings when i'm tired but surprisingly now i will still push myself to do it and get it done. n start feeling that i'm so emotionless when it comes to relationship.kuku. felt a bit not rite . lyk an empty shell. or maybe juz tt ppl ard mi felt too much over certain things n when i don't feel it i start to think i'm weird. someone's.. ya someone la. you know who. feeling something but she's denying it with her eyes straying ard. cuz she's dun wanna carry false hopes n then when truth hits her whether it's good or bad . she's thinking that she can't manage her feelings n emotions but wad ever it is i will be there dun worry. see i'm an expert yea. cuz i'm not emo. HAHA. you said i'm lyk metal. but i'm not cold blooded ok! juz felt numb. but will revive soon. as soon as the kueh itself. take back your words. so i'll be your tranquillizer. no worries yea.. todae's rehearsal is damn fucked up. everything screwed up. sudden change of music. time. everything la. no sequencing . n i gotta juz dance with the flow of the music n the laser. nice one. - applause- i'm in trouble i know. but juz do it once n for all for two daes., tolerate. ppl there are damn cheap skate. trying to cut price. bragain. paying this but wanting to get results tt is 3 times of the price. get a life man. n ppl there has eyes grown on their heads. ha. i can't believe my sis is working with those pricks. but lucky she has miguel there. i'm damn pissed when i heard bout the change of sound. lyk wth we plan everything n all. you wanna change. but still gotta do it. cuz it's business.. hmm. i reached bout 9 pm n leave at 130am . they were doing some sound test. projection test . lights. blah blah. n no air con. i'm so slpy n frasturated till chang da called n calm abit of my anger down... SAVE ME........

life is beautiful with you;
2:36 AM

hmmm. todae was tiring. hmm. i was late for tuition. haha. i woke up at 730. but i still take my bath then i left at 810 n reached at 830. but i wasn't the lastest. hmmm. lucky. then francis drove us out for breakfast while he went for his doctor appt. klaf, jason n i went BK to have breakfast. n it's so f-up there. i think bk in yishun is better la. hmmm. then he fetch us back again n went back to his house for tuition till 1 plus. hmmm. there goes my whole morning. then i went to lene's house to study. i did. i really did. haha. then lene suddenly wanna go BK. n called up her fren. hmm. i tot i won't have to go with her . to avoid those embarrassing situation. but aiya. lene was pleasing n beggin on the bus so i was dragged there. hmmm.i felt so uncomfortable n uneasy. i saw this guy playing with fire n i find him kinda funny. i tot he was chooooooonnn. haha n i was so stunned to believe that i actually paused for few seconds when i was talking to weihao on the fone. when he keep HELLO HELLO erica you there? HAHA. then he came over to show how "impressive" it was. n i can feel the fire near my cheeks. that idiot hold it so close to mi. i hope one dae his brows will be gone. =P been hearing too much of high pitch frequency today. it's was so close to mi. i felt kinda irritated but i will be nice. hmmm. then lene keep showing funny faces to somebody. it's so obvious . n i think she's unhappy bout it. hmmm. it's written all over her face. hmmm but aniwaez. I"M SO SO SO irritated by this person la. till i dun even wanna take a bus home, wanna get my arse home as soon as possible. as soon as the kuey itself. lol. to rest my ears. then reach home i felt so weak. lyk no energy. when i tot ofpf having my dinner but i realised no dinner todae. sigh. so i ended up eating digestive biscuits which are as tasty as instant noodles. yummm... tomorro will be the rehearsal. hmm. n now i think i'm starting to feel abit helpless. but juz get it done. cuz i promised to help . been listening to the corrs- run away n stereophonics- have a nice day this few daes. repeating n repeating it. but i still love daddy's hotel california. =]

life is beautiful with you;
1:08 AM

finally. i watched it. ha. i'm the most enthu.one wanting to watch initial d but ended up last one watching it with maine n it's her 3rd time. haha. but really can't find anyone to watch with mi. n going for a movie alone is kinda pathetic. haha. dun wanna try either. hmmm. so engrossed in that show even i was very urgent i still decided to stick my butt to the seat till the end of the show then i rush to the toilet lyk crazy. haha. hmmm. my brother-in-law juz arrived in SG this afternoon. for the vibes club fest. hmmm. awww. tomorro morning got tuition... hur.....

life is beautiful with you;
12:01 AM

oh. man. finally updating my blog. everyone is complaining. haha. this will be lyk a summarising thing la. two weeks ago i got into this stupid trap. i call it a TRAP. argh.. i went to toni n guys for a this johnny ng ( known as the winner of loreal hair colour) as hair model. yea at first wanna TRIM. listen trim of a bit of my ends yea. but in the end that botak colleauge of johnny CUT off almost hair the length of my hair. from long to short. i think he need check up the dictionary... very seriously. they washed my hair without conditioner. they towel dried my hair. n tat baldie is so rough to my hair. then after the cut they didn't put anything on it. n i walked up lyk a mad woman with bombastic texture hair. pls. call themselves from toni n guys. they are so gay. GAYS. ARGH! n they spoilt my plan for my hairdo on my cousin's wedding. n i went to the wedding with that hair and a pin on my fridge cuz that's the best i can do to look presentable for a function lyk this. man.. then we were rushing lyk my sister is getting married. doing facials.. nails.. hairs. choosing clothese and acessories. everything is so last min. n i ended up wear this floral tube dress ( it's so not mi) , i changed a earring into a necklace cuz i can't find anything that will suit that dress ( dress!!! oh pls. it's been lyk 5 years since i wore a DRESS) n earrings that i normally wore cuz i think the danggy earring my mum asked mi to where is too exaggerating n no taste (woops) and instead of that 3 inch heels i'm in my havainas (yes havainas rocks.), yes cuz i think i will look n feel better. haha. that's not the worst thing. the waiter asked if i needed a HALAL menu.. lyk wad! i know i'm tanned but not lyk till the limit that i look lyk a malay uh. n all my aunts were winding mi up . which i think is so dumb n they think it's funny. hmmm. but oh. my cousin is so cute. haha. but yea . already said. COUSIN. hmmm. lene told mi about corpe corpe haha. this code . funny story. but anywaes. that brought mi a new fren. fren i suppose or acquitance is more appropriate. hmm. n he's so crap. choon. is crap. very crappish. the lil red cross boy. with weird expression in pictures. haha. n his you shld had. when the holy word comes out from our mouth. hmmm. oh i think i start to lyk this word "" shhhhhk!" haha., it's so nice. ok i'm going out with maine tomorro. n i'm having my dance on thurs. not nervous. or maybe not yet. but juz shy when it comes to rehearsal cuz they can see my face. yea. n my sis have not even come out with any moves. but juz saying this all the time " jia, you gotta be sexy . sexy!".inject some sexy genes into me pls. but i have to do it for the sake of that 400 bucks. haha. i wan my own camera. or maybe a ipod. hmmm. will see.

life is beautiful with you;
12:29 AM