Wednesday, September 28, 2005
i know i wasn't really there for you when all these misery fall on that day. but i just thought that what ever i said to you , you didn't wanna listen what more can i say? seriously i hate myself for being not like how i used to when i see you in this kind of deep shit. but you are totally out of control do you know that. and when you think everyone don't really care. but do you know everyone is so worried for you. cause you are going crazy. and i start to fear things that you promised me you will nv do it AGAIN!. you should know how we take each others' word. so if you are going fucking not help yourself and give up what you have now just for this. you know how mad i will be. and knowing everyone will still be there for you. i seriously feel that i'm a sucker when i no longer feel the pain when i see you cry. i don't fucking care if any others are saying i'm a emotional freak but when it comes to you ppl. things are just the way it is.. but i rather have back that kind of feeling than being a sucker now. i swear.
i thought when it comes to making decision. i will be very sure of it. n know that i will nv look back into it ever. but this few days i think i wondered off too much. i knew i gave up on someone that could give me everything. every single thing tt i think should happen. but just not on the part about feeling as much for him like the way he does for me. and now for all i care is exam . when all this SHOULD be affecting me like the past. but i seems to be able to draw a line between them. i think i lost too many pieces of me. and of all reasons it's still because i'm scare to be hurt. i really respect that somebody that prove me so right for being like now.
life is beautiful with you;
2:58 PM
stayed home today. know i gotta sleep early. have to . hmmm. guess i'm hearing the wedding bells ringing. hahaha GREAT... -jumps.
but definately not mine. yes. and the whole occasion will be held at sentosa. -grin. ok. it's my great idea. cause we can have a beach party. how cool. and don't have to wear those dumb and uncomfortable dress. but i'm really glad she found her one. someone that can take all her shit. and she's really a pain in the ass. haha.
i'm lazy to msg you guys. so yeah. if you are seeing this. hey. i can't meet the both of you tomorrow. just go ahead with what you and weihao planned. i will go get lene's present on fri on my own after tuition. but tell me what the both of you bought alright. argh. not feeling well. hate tonight.. gotta go. night ppl.
life is beautiful with you;
12:16 AM
Sunday, September 25, 2005
went to queensway today. but rq's not working today. but we saw azmi. and miss leney is like a mad ass. lol. telling me how handsome azmi is. haha. but he's nt that bad either. at least he's one of the malays that i think he's really nice and humble. so yeah. -nudge- y not uh -grin- lol.. lotsa long bus trips today.. sick.
was scare the hell out of me when i blast my earphone to the max when this person i saw at the station appeared right behind me when i reached my lift. standing quite a few steps away from me. in this very weird position and posture. and he's kinda shivering and sweating. looks quite psychotic. as i look at the lift coming down from the 11th floor to the 4th. i started to panick. should really hit myself for having the thought of. heck la nothing will happen not so sway. but don't know y i picked up my handphone and thought of calling my sis. suddenly he RAN off.
blog hopping. ha. first time. was so bored. but yeah. the first blog i came across i stopped. i don't know but i think life is damn hard if you got this person on your mind every min. every second what ever you do. n go. it really sucks. and you know that the person don't love you ANYMORE. like NOT ANYMORE. how can this possibly happen if the both of you WERE so madly in love. IF. and of everything it's your own doings that made everything went wrong. but when you came to realise all this. you want it back. but it's too late . all you can do is seek and beg for forgiveness. hoping that person will return someday... total tragic. and i felt damn lucky to be out of all this pathetic shit of 2 years. seeing someone every single day. ok. 5 days a week. 6 hours of your day. sitting right in front of you. looking at him everytime when he's within your vision. THIS IS TOTALLY CRAZY. life is totally in a big ugly mess. i swear. but yeah. now. i'm so happy i shake all this shit off. -blessed- and i will nv let myself fall into it again. EVER AGAIN. definately not the same person. i will never again do myself wrong and regret my life away living in such miserable days. i will prolly kill myself using the fastest way. i should always tell myself not to take things for granted. nono. and life should have something to be happy about everyday to cover those unwanted miseries. shit. i'm catching a 915 show tomorrow. ha. i know this is totally insane. but yeah. will see my girls tomorrow. night people. sorry to rant man. lol. but i just hate myself for being like i used to be for sooooo long. i must have aged alot. tsk tsk. but i knw someone will shower me with his love. -drenched-. ha not funny. ok. i love all my babies. n you. hahaha. ok corny. night. ((:
life is beautiful with you;
2:01 AM
Friday, September 23, 2005
studied with my darling today. and always fill my bag with magazines.. i think today i can't run away from bball guys. gosh -faints. this guy from SJI. wooo. cute. but when i look down. eh!. beach pants and basketball shoes. ADIDAS RED AND WHITE. loathe them!!!!! yecks. then this person that suddenly msg me ( argh basketball again!). nv fail. undefeatable... i talk to you cause you are my friend not you think we can go for a lil meal. and mayb a small movie. scum!. didn't really study cause it was TOO comfy. i fell asleep. it was so nice.. the table was at a perfect height and the chair was so comfortable, i was in my sweater and it was raining all day. golden opportunity to sleep ((: and the library was so cold. today's real fact is frogs don't drink. lol..cute fact. i don't know why. went to meet lene after that. thought i could continue to do a lil more work. but nothing gets into my muddy brain. it was block and i'm feeling utterly unwell. i feel hot. then i feel cold. my hands are chilled. but selene was so warm heh heh. ((: and my goosebumps came on and off. argh. how sickening can this be... nothing is tasty anymore. jokes are not funny anymore. things don't excites me anymore. what can be more for me. tsk tsk tsk.
i'm starting to get sick of my life. all you can do is study study and still study. math. eng. math . eng. math. eng. arh!!!!!!!!!!!. insanity. i hope it will be over soon.
life is beautiful with you;
12:25 AM
Thursday, September 22, 2005
went for tuition as usual. it's wednesday. and the first thing when i saw selina. she will always start with her " aiyo. -hurhurhur- oh my. erica you are burnt. i love your this i love your that" hahaha. but it's been long i last saw this darling girl of mine. absolute darling. this bunch of ppl were looking down on me and this girl when francis said they are my 80% student. lol. nv thought i would ever fall in such a category in my life. but yeah. at least i heard some encouragement from some ppl. thank you . ((: it meant alot. but yeah. i doubt i will be that good on the actual day.
straight after tuition we were off. we. lene and i. were off to meet ann at her work place. hmmm. and went for a lil shopping. went i saw this person that somehow . ok not just her she's only one of those many others tt made me suddenly felt i will nv be good enough for it. and we are ppl from a totally different kind of world and live. -smirk. yes. annie. if there's still love between the both of you against all those stupid SHOULD NOT BE and NOT MEANT TO BE. NOT LOGICAL. you both should still be together and get things back on track. but if it's gone. yes. we are still here for you. don't push him to his limit and yourself to the extreme and STOP making yourself to cry. you sick idiot. and my chicken biscuits are so irresistable that you forgot about your lighter. you are too glutton. ((: yea.
selene ong put on sunscreen on your face i'm warning you. and don't get too burnt. will see you probably after your tanning , after seeing my another darling. alright? ha i'm so busy with my darlingS. lol. ok. have fun. ((:
signing off. good night people -waves. :D
life is beautiful with you;
12:23 AM
Saturday, September 17, 2005
today started out to be quite happy cause i manage to complete the whole paper on my own. and 80% of ans were right. and erica wong is freaking getting A1 for math paper. ha. unbelievable. when i thought i could tell this good news to ppl i think will be proud of me. yea. i got something that was really not nice. or i should say REAL BAD. and it's from someone i thought will be really proud of it. 75 is not enough for you? and hoping i can get a 90. your daughter here fails her maths all the way in secondary school. and now no freaking school wanna take her in but she finally score at least an A. you are telling me this is freaking not enough. not even a word of encouragement. but demanding me to get into accountancy if not into buisness management. what so great about them than something that your daughter truly interested and will love doing it. i'm freaking no genius. i'm sorry dad. and there's no way i'm getting into those course even if you send me to SIM. i'm gonna freaking get into tp and study design.
this suddenly blow crashed everything about what i thought that family will be the source tt will always support you in what ever you do. and i always thought that i have parents that respects my decisions and doesn't blame me for making such decisions. but i guess i was wrong. and i kept this thought since i was young. when today everything vanishes just like that. great. but if that makes you happy yes. i'll get my ass into SIM. lene i will be your neighbour soon.haha. and we can have lunch together sooooo often... -nods. will see you tomorrow girlfriend. thanks for being here all the time. i'm freaking having a stomach ache again. damn it. see you. loves. night pple.
life is beautiful with you;
2:04 AM
Thursday, September 15, 2005
for paper 1 yesterday i took 1 1/2h out of 2 to complete. hahaha. that nv happen back in school days man. and i scored a B. -bow- but i still freaking need 66 marks to get my a2. or 60 to get a b+ .. and i'm totally neglecting my eng tys.. haha. hmmm. met lene (ok we meet almost every single day). and finally we were in town after so long. i spend my last 20 bucks and i could only stare at the display shelf in swatch and go pocking at the glass.... dramatic. but i know those are way too ex for a normal pair of earring. and i'm always losing them.. so they are just there for me to see..
lene went for a hair cut AT LAST. and i was kind of surprise when she say she wants to go shorter. hmmm? but it's not that short after all not comparing it to your rapunzel hair yeah. they will still GROW u ass. fickle-minded shit. took a long time to decide on a sandal or slipper. it isn't a big prob. but the MAIN prob is. her lil tiny feet is size 4! you are probably the only friend that can fit into size 4 shoe cause even ms adeline gotta squeeze her feet in.. tsk tsk. loompa lumpas! LOL.
and today. i'm trap at home. i tried to sleep longer but time seems to pass so slow. nothing much today.
life is beautiful with you;
7:05 PM
Monday, September 12, 2005
yes! natas travel fair is over... it's fun more than wrk. and some how everyone is related to each other. aunt esther knows both aunt xanthe and jane. and liz is her niece and she knows aunt xanthe and bryan all. and thomas happen to be my primary and secondary schoolmates. work also gotta work with him. but he's nice aft all. and surprisely ann's aunt is working in natas too. and she happen to know others in the orgarnizer's office. and jon is her bf. and andrew's her sis's bf. blah blah blah... hahaha. it's really funny. we have great meals everyday and funny things to laugh about during breaks. pple like jean is very sociable and fun. karida is very noisy but she kept me entertained for today. mr thomas tan is lame but lucky we got him. he helped us quite abit today if not i will end up carry all the heavy boxes with lene cause all the guys went outside to be kaypos. aunty fun reminds me of ms lai. but she's much more nicer and prettier. haha. clauson is very quiet and shy, forget about the hand incident when i thought he was SHE. andrew is total crap, asking stupid Qs and saying nonsense all the time. everyone is bitching about ms kingkong and giving her all sorts of names and she molested me. BITCH!. sucks. total turn off. and ppl i love most is aunty jeannie and aunt esther.. aunt jeannie is always telling me jokes and letting me skive and she buy macdonalds' for us. aunty esther is always giving everyone back rub.. so nice and sweet hahaha. jus like a mother. it's really like a camp. but this 3 days really zoom pass so fast. so much but so lil time.. and i'm extremely tired today. i need a massage badly. it's like i'm aching from my neck all the way down. -grin- down. hahahaha. jk.
lene: idiot. u made me luff like a fool with your dumb ELEPHANT act. good luck for tomorrow's test man. haha. hope you can make it girl -grin-. it's LUCK.
ann: first time working with you. nice. just like back in our school days when we do everything together. hope things get back on track soon for you and him. and STOP acting tough. -kick-
bigthing: prelims is tomorrow. yes i know i know. take care while muggin pls don't fall sick. ((:
good night ppl.
life is beautiful with you;
1:03 AM
Friday, September 09, 2005
this probably the nicest job i had so far. ok. not comparing with burberry. cause in burberry co. we are like a big family. and i miss all of them.. but today. hmmmm. i woke up at 830 . and i realised i forgot to set my alarm. but lucky lene called me in the morning. we were late for 20 mins but not everyone was there. and today's job was a easy one. after giving out those dumb refreshing pack i assign myself with jobs. i ended up in the SIA booth with ann practically doing nothing but having milo, tea and cake. haha. ann and i made the organizers confuse more than making us confuse doing our jpb. haha. just like back in those schooldays when we always like to disturb ppl and confuse teachers. (: and poor lene is located at the ticket sales booth , doing math. haha i NEED to be there more than anyone. ((: esther is undeniably nice. she takes good care of everyone and make sure we eat our meals have our snacks and OLD charlie is funny. this weird guy came up to me and " HEY! i'm eric hahaha!" " and you are erica!!! hahahA!" stupid. but it kept me entertain for 3 secs. it's easy job today. but i'm still feeling very tired. got to be there at 945 tomorrow. hur hur.... so i'm turning in early. night lene, my hon and people. i miss you -smiles-
life is beautiful with you;
11:42 PM
sorry for being so troublesome this few weeks. flu, cough, sore thoart, fever , sprain ankles, fall down. stomach ache. but thanks for being there. the both of you... (: but i think that's all i hope, haha what more can happen.. so no more of these. hahaha. -BIG HUGS-love youS.
finally today i'm feeling tired so early. the bed is calling. night people.
life is beautiful with you;
12:43 AM
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
finally, i understand this whole damn play after my sister asked her friend who's involve. the objective of this play is actually to make us have that kind of amazed expression when it ended and make us leave the hall having this thought in mind what actually really happen to uncle song ,why did he disappear and what does all those vessels with water and money and the complete shelock homes suppose to show. it's just like when someone disappear from your life you will be shock and you will be thinking what actually happened. -claps- but that's not it... more to come. haha. but i don't want to know. " o death, where is thy sting"
listening to this radio station. and suddenly i had this crazy idea of being tied down by someone by a ring. hahaha. ridiculous i know. but i said it was crazy...
life is beautiful with you;
11:40 PM
Sunday, September 04, 2005
temp reaches 38.4 this afternoon. and i ate 6 panadols in total. and now temp is 37.6 hmmm. i think i'm ok... ok the whole afternoon i was suppose to rest... R.E.S.T . but. i didn't . i ended up chatting and web-camming with lene. lol. it's fun though. and we were totally crazy. haha. and mayb that made me not that sick. it's a good way not meeting when we are unwell but still see each other. haha. but i sound like lene's my gf. hmmhmmm -grin-. but that's not only for her. maine and ann should have one too. and probably we will never have to step out of our doorstep anymore .
and maybe this fever made me think about kim a lil. but wait wait. NOT MISS. i f***ing hell won't MISS him... and definately not that face of his if i do. but no IF when it comes to him ok . and i was just thinking that. this person can promise and swear his ass off. about how true his promises will be just like the sun that rise in the east everyday and the stars will always be by the moon. blah blah. but break and crashed somebody's world and all his promises by say " oh nothing is everlasting. everything change." and this kinda jerk shall just die and our mother Earth will definately feel much better for sure. it was lene that started saying everything about promises. then i start thinking of it. ah ong. maine's really making total sense when she says that. -grin- * you know why i grin don't you* since you let it go that time. and chose to believe that absence make the heart grow fonder. BUT he didn't come back and it did not grow. so it's not meant to be. and you should nv lost faith in that sentence. because this don't work on him doesn't mean it doesn't work on someone you will meet soon. ((: haha. and it's too soon to really get over it i know. but it will be over soon. i know what's on your mind bout not being appreciated. i'm VERY honest now. i was talking to you at that moment. i have you. yes. but i wanna get ann too. that's y i call her. it's definately not because you did so much and everything was from your heart ( i can see) but not by doing it just to show but in the end i call her. NO!. i want the both of you. so pls drop that thought ok.. moreover, you already said it hurts to know that i was... so i won't let you hear it either. it's your presence and not about helping me to SOLVE things. and sorry to make you worry so much. hmmhmm -smile- love you.
life is beautiful with you;
1:02 AM
Friday, September 02, 2005
i jumped off from my bed cause i decide to blog about this. after this long talk with lene and my sister just now. i came to realise it's getting confusing. and "it" i'm referring is yes. LOVE. first i nv bother bout what love actually is. cause i know if i bother to think i will come out with alot of analogIES. haha. but yes i still decide to ask cause it's bothering me the whole day. i agreed that love itself is just not enough. there's still many other factors that will affect a relationship. character, behaviour, perceptions blah blah blah. so it's not just by LOVING each other you are meant to be together. so it's like one out of the billion people outside. but that's not my point. haha. is love something that you have to accept someone as WADEVER they are and not hoping or asking them to change for you whereby you should love them for whoever they are and this is love. because all parents love their children no matter how they will change as they grow up by the years. and yes no doubt that that kind of love is TRUE. so it that it? but some says love is when you are willing to change for another party because you love him/her and you want him/her to be happy but by living such life is really hard. but yet there's love. nothing of such is difficult or pathetic about. because love make everything works. everything flows and love work wonders. but that wouldn't be yourself!. and of all reasons. it's still love... when i said if love is sooooo confusing then y people still wannabe in it. and sis told me without love you are just an empty shell. everyone needs to be assured, secured and pampered.and you rather not to love since you think it's so difficult and "troublesome" you are just avoiding and running away from it. cause you lost faith and you got no confident. and that only antidote to this is till you see and find your source that keep up that faith and confident in you. when she said that, i felt she really hit me. but there's really no alternative for this? hmmm. but seriously i felt guilty when i know i'm actually running away from it all the time. i rather choose not to be in it. cause i felt it was asking for trouble. but i thought if i really met someone i truly love there's no way i can run. but no! because love itself is JUST NOT ENOUGH! so what is it? but i'm not totally cold and heartless. ok. no one is heartless. and i'm definately clear about how i felt towards it. just like when someone did the stupidest thing you ever seen and it's SUPER embarrassing if others do it , you will prolly cover your face or walk off pretending you don't know him/her. but yet you laugh over it and still carry that lil smile secretly when you think of it again. but why does it come so strong at times and leave so easily at times too. and if our golly adam and eve did not eat that damn apple what are we now. and if adam and eve were chinese. they will prolly eat the snake instead of that apple . haha. then what will happen? maybe we will still be naked and we won't know what is the 7 odious offences. we will be in heaven with no troubles but happiness. but we are here. to suffer. and i'm actually looking forward to die. i know it's ridiculous. but yes.
but what is wrong being strong and vigilant just to protect yourself from being hurt. if to let loose and make yourself fall all the way into it without considering other factors will make you find better love and have better life. i will do what it takes to let myself fall into it. but there's always a start and definately an end. if there's end why do you start. but people say it's the time between that really worth all the tears u shed even when it come to the end. sickening. sounds sadistic. but so far from what ever i see and heard today. it's something you change for a better SELF for YOURSELF AND also him/her. and when i mean for a better self it's definately something that will do good to yourself being in that way and also do good to him the same time. and if you love someone you DO NOT EXPECT TOO MUCH or expect MORE from them. you don't demand things from them just for youself. and you love them for who they are but yet both of you are WILLING to bring down your egos and work things out together. and change for the better. for SELF and each other. it's not about one person doing everything, to change, accommodate and to please. it should really be BOTH. and truly appreciate each other's effort by the end of the day. although people always tend to see or i should say 9 out of 10 people tend to look at the bad side of someone instead of the good. but if you think that everything actually comes with a good intention especially it's someone you have true feelings for maybe this will save the both of you from alot of quarrels and arguements. and with all this that's when you can really find the balancing point ... haha. happily ever after... how nice. -claps... getting sickening here. i'm going to bed now. man it's freaking 4 am in the morning.
life is beautiful with you;
2:37 AM
